1. Ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away.
It can be hard to realize when a relationship isn’t working, particularly when you really, really want it to work.
Far too often, relationships turn into lop-sided partnerships, where one partner ends up putting in way more effort than the other. Which can make it difficult for the partner who has been doing the majority of work to admit that maybe, in the end, all that struggle wasn’t really worth it.
THIS is why being able to see and recognize relationship red flags is so important. Because who has the time or energy to waste weeks, months, or years of your life on someone who isn’t going to be there for you?
Whatever you do, don’t make the mistake of thinking these are no big deal. It’s better to know he’s wrong for you now before you waste any more time. You deserve more than mediocre love, trust us.
2. He doesn’t make plans in advance — or keep them.
Not all men are fantastic planners, but if your man is constantly inviting you out at the last second, it’s not a great sign. Sure, spontaneous fun stuff happens, but if your partner NEVER wants to plan anything in advance with you, according to the Spigarellis, “he probably wasn’t thinking about you or knows you will drop everything to be available at the drop of a hat when he does get around to thinking about you.”
(Translation: He thinks you have no life.)
3. He trashes his ex when he talks to you.
Most people have a terrible ex (or two) in their past, but it’s worth paying attention to how your man talks about his former flames. The Spigarellis point out, “Name calling, reliving the past, or displaying anger is probably not the sign of a well-adjusted man.” Try to keep in mind — if you two break up soon, would you be comfortable hearing someone talk about you in this way? Do you ever want to see this side of your man directed at you? Being able to read real, unvarnished reviews of men from their former partners can be really illuminating — the same thing goes for background checks. If your man is constantly living in the past, it might be good to know if he’s giving you the honest truth about his history.)
4. You always have to call or text him first.
This can be an easy one to ignore, but it’s important. Are you always the one who calls him first? Does he only ever call or text you after you’ve initiated contact? It might sound petty, but “who calls who” does matter. If your man is constantly reacting to you rather than actively seeking out your company, it speaks to an imbalance in the relationship.
The Spigarellis put it plainly, “Would you tell your daughter to call him if she was being ignored? NO. We all know what him not calling means.”
Remember: A relationship is supposed to be a partnership.
And you need to treat it like an actual partnership. In business, you would never start a new venture or co-sign a contract with a partner you hadn’t thoroughly vetted first. You would want to know about their risks and liabilities WAY before you ever tied yourself to them legally.